These were my final thoughts before going into hospital to be induced with my fourth and final baby girl Esme Phoenix.
Just off on date to meet one of the great loves of my life.
I go carrying nerves, my anxiety, excitement, but also with a sense of power within.
I feel a sense of wonder at the power of a women’s mind and body during these hours no matter the way we each choose to birth – we are truly creatures of survival, birthing the future.
I often feel I’m a young soul, still completely at awe with the beauty of life, the body and birth itself.
Still I walk away from my home completely into the unknown of who I’ll be when I return with this new life in my arms, I truly feel we go through a metamorphosis as we labour, as we become a mother, two people are born on the same day.
The mother and child.
Whether it is for the very first time or not – we transition and in turn our lives are forever changed.
Although I have done this before, the unknown still awaits not without any fear and for this I’m not ashamed, I’m only human and I know it’s ok to feel it but I also know I can do this, and to trust my body.
Yet I’m ridiculously excited and have visions dancing through my mind imagining what she will look like and who she might become.
I have no solid birth plan other than to have my baby at the end of this safely in my arms, I refuse to put pressure on myself like had in the past and give myself permission to make any choice I feel I need or want to during the process.
I know I will be safe with Craig by my side and
I’m thankful already that he gives me that peace.
I will breathe and focus on remembering during the surges that I will finally get to meet this little soul as she makes her way out of my body.
It is the last time that I will have two hearts beating inside me.
Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.
See you on the other side✌🏽