Natural labour or a C-section? Drugs or no drugs? Here I’m in the thick of the third trimester, 38 weeks and what feels like now the longest 2 weeks of all time to go. It’s my last pregnancy, the last time my body will grow a life, share a heartbeat with another in the same body.
Now at this stage of pregnancy, so many questions are being asked and opinions are flying in fast… So are you going to have natural labour or a C-section? Drugs or no drugs? Breast or bottle? Are you still going to be feeding that toddler of yours AND a baby? Oh wow, you are huge, sure there’s only one haha? (Yeh original mate ha) Your not very big are you? Don’t worry you will shed that baby weight in no time!
And my personal favourite, Is this your last, I mean seriously you can’t be going for any more surely?!
And as for that last question that since I’ve chosen to share snippets of my life on here… It is most definitely the LAST time, my body has had enough the Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) has completely taken its toll on my body, my mind and changed my way of life completely over the past 9mths. And so it is official Mr. Oatesy has sorted that out #snippysnip phewwww I feel an overwhelming sense of relief!
So here’s the thing, why do ANY of these questions matter at all? However, your baby comes into the world doesn’t make it any less incredible – in fact it doesn’t matter one single bit. It doesn’t make you any less of a mother than anyone else, yet I have had many conversations with other women telling me that feel they often feel so much pressure to explain their choices and that they often have felt immense judgement. This is not on, especially when the judgement is at times actually coming from other women, we are in an age where women are rising more than ever, using their voices and striving further for empowerment, so to grow further towards this it’s important to remember to support each other, not pass judgment in these very personal and important life changing moments.
Adding to this, at the end of the day pretty sure nobody really gives a hoot whether the baby came out the sunroof, your veejay (or someone else’s for that matter) and whether you decided to take ALL the drugs or none at all! We all just hope for a safe delivery for both mother and child and healthy baby.
However, YOU choose to birth you baby or feed your baby; boobs or bottle is your business, if they are fed, healthy and happy what is it to someone else? So bloody what if you don’t shed your “baby weight” in no time, so what if you don’t shed it ever AND equally if you fit back into your pre-pregnancy jeans 2 days after – GO you!
Don’t EVER feel the need to explain YOUR PERSONAL choices or experiences.
Everyone is entitled to an opinion, BUT here’s the thing not every opinion NEEDS to be voiced. Remarkably you can also have an opinion silent in your own mind where nobody else hears it *shocking right?!
Have you experienced any of the questions before, or found you felt subject to judgment for your choices?
Feel free to share your experiences in the comments – if you feel comfortable, remember you are not alone – many people often go through similar experiences too and it can be hard to share.
I had NO idea but when you get people on the topic of children, the number you want to have or whether to have any at all, it brings out huge amounts of opinions in people. It’s a topic that should and shouldn’t get throw around and its thought to be acceptable to comment outright on somebody’s sex life. Crazy right?
Here’s what’s not acceptable is the belief that it is okay to comment on somebody’s choice whether to have kids or the amount which they have or may want
Personally this is how I’ve heard it go way too many times…
1 Child – It’s not enough “when will you have another? “Are you having any more?” “They will be lonely…”
2 Children – the perfect number especially if you have a boy and a girl because if you have 2 of the same sex – are you going to try for a girl? (or boy?)
3 Children – Acceptable but you are done now, right? Unless you have all one gender then you simply NEED to have another.
4+ plus – Oh wow don’t you guys have a TV? Oh wow, that’s a big family! You guys aren’t going to have anymore now, right? Oh was it planned? You need to keep your legs closed (all of these I’ve heard in my last 26weeks)
NO kids / I don’t want kids. Well that’s a statement that most commonly prompts total disbelief! “When are you going to have one?” “Oh but eventually right?” “You will regret it later in life!” “Why not?”
It is not okay to comment on someone else’s personal choice Yet some people seem to think it’s appropriate to ask deeply personal questions or make these statements.
Just stop. Think before you speak.
Children, no children its none of anyone’s business.
Put kindly, it simply doesn’t affect you and often there is a huge range of reasons that are behind these decisions, some being incredibly personal, even distressing.
And if you receive these comments or statements YOU don’t need to provide a explanation whatsoever. NONE.
You do you. Your life, your choice.
Have you received these comments yourself before? Feel free to share them here or join the discussion over on my Instagram post HERE
Sleep. Something I took for granted and should have appreciated in my pre-motherhood days way more than I did.
My husband and I had our third daughter Octavia in September last year. I was that person that had two other children that had just naturally slept well through the night.
So having my third baby, I naively assumed Octavia would be the same – oh how wrong I was.
By nearly six months, Octavia was still waking every 2 hours or more during the night and only catnapping during the day.
Sleep deprivation was once used as a form of torture, so why was this miniature human torturing me? Her naps barely gave me the time to run around to do a few chores and make a cup of coffee. I was exhausted every day, and the fatigue was becoming overwhelming.
I spent the little time my baby was sleeping wondering what I was doing wrong.
What did sleep felt like again? I was drinking all the coffee, wishing my husband was capable of breastfeeding and googling “how to get my baby to sleep”.
One late night scrolling through Instagram for the thirtieth time, I found the account that would save my sanity and help give both Octavia and I the sleep we both desperately needed. I had stumbled across Hayley from Slumber and Sprout.
Hayley is a fellow Perth mum, certified paediatric sleep consultant and owner of Slumber and Sprout. She provides easy to follow tips, an abundance of advice on her socials. She offers a variety of packages to help get your little ones sleeping soundly through the night and napping well through the day. I learnt so many new things about babies and sleep; for example, how much day sleep our bubbas actually need
3 months: 4 – 5 hours
6-7 months: 3.5 – 4 hours
9-11 months: 3 – 3.5 hours
12 months: 2.5 -3 hours
18-24 months: 2 – 2.5 hours
3 years: 1 hour
Our little humans will also go through FIVE sleep regressions by the age of two. At four months, 8-10 months, 12 months, 18 months and 24 months!
How did it work?
I started by explaining my babies current sleep situation, and Hayley devised a plan to set up healthy sleep habits and resolve the sleep issues, based personally on our family. It is not a one size fits all approach which I loved, because as a mum of older children, Octavia’s sleep needed to work around school runs and other extracurricular activities. I had access to a private portal online to log all of Octavia’s sleep and activity throughout the day. Hayley closely monitored her progress and made suggestions accordingly.
With just the simplest of changes within two weeks, Octavia was napping during the day like a champ! Soon Octavia went from waking every two hours and only cap napping, to now waking only once a night and having solid naps during the day. In turn, Craig and I stopped feeling like coffee-fuelled zombies every day, and the whole mood of the household lightened.
I found it hard to ask for help at first, but I’m so happy I did. It doesn’t matter if you are a first-time mum or you are a mum of many, each child is different, so there is no shame in getting some help and support if you need it, especially when it comes to getting a good nights sleep!
Need some help getting your little one sleeping too?
Hayley provides a range of packages and services including in-home sleep consultations here in Perth
You can find out more about these services on her website HERE
Period Underwear. While I’d seen and heard about them, I never actually given them a go. I mainly worn tampons and didn’t like the feeling of a pad – plus they always irritated my skin. I was extremely skeptical, I had so many questions I wanted to know like, will they leak? Will I feel unclean? Would they smell? Would I feel wet or can they really be a total replacement for disposable feminine products?
So being curious about them I gave them a go.
I received these three pairs from ModiBodi. I got a moderate to heavy pair, a heavy to overnight pair and one pair of light to moderate for the end of my cycles and spotting. I decided I would wash them daily to try them out first, before buying any extra pairs.
DID THEY WORK?
Its a YES from me! I not only tested them out during the week of my period but I tried them out while exercising, skipping and bouncing on the trampoline with the kids. I promise you after having three kids, its not uncommon for me to experience bladder leaks and I have had my fair share especially when laughing really hard. So I’m happy to report Modibodi passed with flying colours.
What I also love is that there are more than one choice of underwear style in each different absorbency level.
So how do they feel on?
Honestly, just like regular underwear, they are surprisingly slim, not bulky or thick. The overnight pairs have extra lining right to the back, but not bulky at all. It’s not like wearing a pad; you don’t feel wet or uncomfortable; it does feel just like regular underwear. The fabrics on all three pairs were soft and comfortable on the skin.
OVERNIGHT WEAR – the verdict
The first pair of Modibodi I ever wore was to bed; they were the Classic full Brief for Heavy-Overnight. Personally for me – I like that these are a larger brief, especially for sleeping in. The thin lining protects you to the back of the underwear. Now I’m a lover of white sheets and bedding, AND I move a lot during my sleep, so this would be a good test. They were secure and so comfortable to sleep in that I woke up and had forgotten I had my period at first; I felt dry, I was comfortable; I checked the bed – clean. No leaks! I was impressed, a total game-changer for overnight.
DOWN TO THE NITTY GRITTY – The questions I wanted answered.
Did they smell have an odor? NO
Do they Stain? No they are stain resistant
Do you feel wet? NO
Could they totally replace pads and tampons altogether?
Yes, they absolutely could. Modibodi could either totally replace them altogether or be used in conjunction with them for extra protection.
How did they go after coughing or sneezing during your period?
This is a question I received on Instagram and from a few friends.
They held up just fine. They absorbed the extra liquid after the cough/squeeze and went back to feeling dry.
Would you feel confident wearing White while wearing them?
Well to be honest I’d be worried wearing white during my period even with a tampon, pad and underwear all on at the same time! haha! This underwear would be perfect to accompany a pad or tampon for even more protection from leaks. But in saying that I did wear just my Moderate-heavy seam free pair with my new pink pants and all was fine! Each to their own in this case I think!
But HOW exactly do they work?
I’ll leave this one up to the experts. See exactly how the technology all works HERE
How many pairs would I need?
This will depend on your individual flow, how often you change and intend to wash.
I wore a pair for over-night, changed into a new pair for during the day, lets just say 9-5 and then back into another pair for the night ahead. So basically 2 pairs – one for night and one for day wear. 3 pairs on a particular heavy day or if I went to the gym. I now have a total of 7 pairs of Modibodi which I find works for my flow, plus it allows for washing in-between.
I have three heavy-over-night pairs, three moderate-heavy pairs and 1 light to moderate pair. Most of mine are seam free styles so I don’t get any lines but I love the sensual hi-waist bikini style with the lace detail. It’s great for the confidence to wear a style that makes you feel good, and that also doubles as protection, especially during your period.
Washing and Changing. Easy to wash just rinse under cold water till water runs clear and then pop in the washing machine. If you need to change during the day while out, (I personally didn’t but just in case) put them in a wet bag.
What absorbency should I get?
Below I have popped the information for the each of the absorbency levels you can get. I found this really useful to help me decide what would be the best for me.
For: Using alone on heavy period days, overnight for protecting your white sheets, or for those ‘I almost weed my pants’ leaks
My reasons to initially try Modibodi also came from the fact that I am a mother of three daughters, my eldest being 12 this year. I wanted to find a product, that would allow her to feel secure, save her from any leaks and be super easy to use especially when dealing with first periods and navigating through a new phase of growing up. I honestly wish I had these growing up and have bought Indi few pairs from the super cute teen range RED to pop in her toiletry bag for school or outings away from home.
Through trialing these period and pee proof underwear I have found that, Modibodi has been a total game changer for me. Periods, incontinence, sweating are all normal parts of life, I am so happy to have found a reusable and sustainable product that feels comfortable to sleep, work in and exercise in while giving me peace of mind.
I nervously do a full try, showing the fits of all my Modibodi underwear – these are saved in my Highlights on Instagram
Full Disclosure. I decided to write about my experience with Modibodi for myself just to share my experience. They gifted my first three pairs to try out. I can not talk about something I don’t believe in and asked if they required anything in return, as I need time to try things properly. This is where they got me, they said nothing but if you like them – we would love you to share your experience. No guidelines or time frames, to me, this spoke volumes about the brand itself, and so I accepted. Since then I have bought four extra pairs to complete my collection, the sports shorts and some underwear from the teen range for my daughter. I have since been given a discount code for my readers which can be found HERE
I cry for others, I feel a lot, sometimes it’s overwhelming, I hate seeing others hurting, but its a rare occurrence that I cry for myself.
Most of the time I withdraw and feel a sense of numbness.
Today I’m not well, feeling a little sorry for myself and am sitting listening to the big storm rolling in… I just fed Octavia and placed her down to sleep, I watched her for a moment and all of a sudden my heart hurt so badly that tears starting rolling down my face. I thought without the loss of the two babies before her, Octavia would not be here.
I had forgotten that hurt for a while, but just like that out of the blue, the band-aid had lifted.
I could not imagine life without this little human, I am so grateful for her but mind still drifted to the what if’s – its a strange thought.
I had remembered my second miscarriage in the emergency room, I was numb.
I remember laying in the maternity ward recovering after, listening to the newborn cries from the neighbouring rooms. My mind checked out. Numb.
No tears at all.
12 weeks of carrying her. I came home from the hospital feeling empty and alone. I sat on the couch leaning on Craig, I didn’t move. Then it came, I cried for what felt like whole day till my face was swollen and puffy. All the feelings, extreme anger, guilt because I had two girls already, guilt that others could have things worse than me, feeling my body had failed and feeling complete loneliness.
Then like a switch going off, I went back to the dry numbness – I didn’t cry anymore.
I felt the sadness, pain and pushed it away to a locked space inside where it sits and lets me process but I do not cry. This at times has led people to think I’m tough or that it doesn’t hurt, this is not so I just process differently.
Since then I’ve grown and learnt so much. Learnt Its ok to feel, it’s ok to cry and it’s ok not to cry because everyone reacts and copes differently.
It’s ok to be thankful for what you have and still be sad about what you have lost.
It’s ok to mourn, to remember, to speak about it & you do not need to feel guilty about any of it because life is not always a comfortable conversation or pretty picture.
And so today, as I looked at my beautiful baby girl, I shed a few tears for my babies that did not touch this Earth and that is ok too.
On having my Placenta Encapsulated… This is the first time I’ve had my placenta encapsulated and I have been asked a lot of questions about it, so I thought I would share my experience.
When I had Indianna – our first child, I was young, nervous and really uneducated on all things birth and recovery… I had never heard of so many things birth related let alone eating your placenta! But third time around, 11 years on and (a little) wiser, I wanted to be more educated and have a more positive experience both for the birth of my child and during my postpartum days to follow.
The first 3 months after baby have been referred to as the 4th Trimester and I can totally understand why… it’s the time after birth that you and your body are working hard – Firstly adjusting to a new way of life with a newborn, all while your body is recovering, regulating hormones, working on producing milk and with little sleep so you can get on with caring and nourishing your newborn straight away.
I had really low iron the whole pregnancy and Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG), which was mentally and physically draining, so it was my aim to feel as good as I possibly could after having my baby. Craig and I did our research and saw the benefits of encapsulation.
We found local Perth company @pureplacentas and they have been absolutely amazing! They pick up your placenta after birth from hospital or home and safely transport it in temperature monitored esky. I had my pills personally delivered to me in hospital the next afternoon.
Mel and the team are personal, informative and stay in touch during the weeks to follow the birth to provide any information about your pills and well being.
The benefits for me personally have definitely been noticed. My milk came in faster and in huge supply, I haven’t had mood swings – in fact I have felt remarkably calm and my energy levels – considering I’ve got a large family and running on little sleep have been noticeably better then before.
Iron stores drop naturally after birth and I was already struggling with low iron due to pregnancy and being coeliac but the placenta is rich in easily absorbed natural iron. I’ve since had my iron levels tested and the results are better then they have been in a long time and I’ve felt so much better. After the birth of my first two daughters, I lost a lot of hair but this time it’s stayed thick, fluffy and shiny! BONUS!
This is my personal experience with Placenta encapsulation, I would definitely do it again in the future (if I had another baby) I don’t take any other vitamins and I didn’t have to mention who did my encapsulation but I was so impressed by my experience and this family run business that I chose to share it ❤️
Nearly a week old and it’s gone so fast, like complete blur…
The memories of how to be a mum to a newborn again are finally coming back to me but learning so many new things as she’s her own person and my body is definitely feeling and reacting much differently compared to nearly 9 years ago when I had Scarlett!! 🍈🍈 The melons are nearly my biggest hurdle as usual they have expanded to epic proportions for me and have in turn ruled out most pretty maternity bras hahaha (I love how they are modelled mostly on smaller busts 😂)
Any great maternity bra recommendations please hit me up!! Sleep – “what dat?” Indi told me she thinks little O is nocturnal, as she is not much of a sleeper but I hoping and praying that will change in the coming weeks.
My head feels a whirlwind of emotions and I honestly haven’t had a chance to really process the world around me just yet, I’m simply in a newborn love bubble. My body is puffy and sore but at this point its actually the last thing on my mind. Its all about her, that newborn smell is like a drug and I’m taking it all in.
I’m a bridesmaid tomorrow with my other girls as flower girls, my gorgeous friend has carefully catered for our family to be there, she is the most relaxed bride you could ever meet. So totally relaxed that even when I tried my dress on and my huge boobs were out and proud for all to see, she was like “No probs! I’ll get you a wrap or a new dress!” Bek you are the best bride ever!
Wish me luck, I know we will make it happen but I probably need to get totally prepped today just to be sure!
Also thanks to all the beautiful messages and laughs you have sent through on socials, it’s honestly so awesome and means a lot during this emotion filled week 😘 It will be baby spam over here for a while so Love me or leave me 😝❤️