Challenging the What Ifs? of my Body Image and confidence.

Challenging the What Ifs? of my Body Image and confidence.

Wearing a crop and Bike shorts out for the time time. A small action that felt empowering.

I CAN’T WEAR THAT…
I don’t have the body to wear that.
I’m too fat to wear that.
I like it on other people, but I couldn’t wear it.
I don’t have the confidence to wear that.
What if I’m judged, what if? What if? All the what if’s!

Turns out the only person that ever judged me the most was me, my opinion of myself bared the most weight, and it was one of the things that I needed to work on the most.

So it might seem small, but this was the first time I had ever worn a crop and shorts outside the house without a top on, I had always wanted to but all the “What if’s” had always stopped me – I had this belief of what my body ‘should look like to wear something like this.

This time I challenged those beliefs.

I don’t have the body to wear that – I have a body. Clothes are for bodies. I can wear that, and seriously what body was I waiting for?
I’m too fat to wear that – Firstly we have fat, we are not ‘fat’, and secondly, at no point in my life have I ever felt ‘thin enough’ apparently to wear what I wanted SO if not now then when?

I don’t have the confidence to wear that – I hadn’t tried. Confidence is something we learn, we can grow and get better at.

What if people….
What others think about me is something I have no control over and really none of my business, and if they judge well, it says more about them.

Really the only thing holding me back was ME. What if I tried it? What if I just embraced myself for once?
And so, I felt nervous at first, but as I pushed the pram along, I forgot about the rolls, the idea of perfection & embraced the sun on my skin.

I looked at my daughters and thought about how I would want this for them. Freedom in their minds about their body.
How I would tell them in a heartbeat to wear the damn thing and rock it with pride, not to care what anyone thinks and be kind to themselves.
It’s not brave, it’s not extreme confidence, but it was hard. For me, it’s getting out of my comfort zone and feeling freedom from my mind’s body demons.


I’m sharing so that just maybe you too can silence the what if’s and start to challenge your beliefs about yourself and your body too.

❤️ Rose

For more body image/ acceptance, fun times, stories of my every day or just to connect with me directly join me over on Instagram HERE

Are you working on your own self-image and body acceptance? How are you going? What have been YOUR biggest wins?

SHARE THEM IN THE COMMENTS BELOW or DM HERE
#worthyalways #morethanabody

Sexy is a Feeling, an attitude not a look or size. How to work on feeling sexy again.

Sexy is a Feeling, an attitude not a look or size. How to work on feeling sexy again.

Sexy is a feeling, an attitude. Not a size, a look, an angle & not only reserved for sexual experiences…

I had created a poll in my stories on Instagram with the question

‘What holds you back from feeling sexy?!’

The responses to this last week blew my mind.
So many of us don’t feel sexy – like WAY too many. Some people saying they have NEVER felt sexy.
It’s not getting spoken about, sexy isn’t reserved for a certain body type, it is not a size, it’s not reserved to a certain age, it most certainly does not hinge on someone else’s opinion of you.


The top responses I had when asked ‘What holds you back from feeling sexy?”
•My weight – My body
•Self Confidence/ Mindset
•Not fitting the ‘mould’ of what sexy is.
•Body changes after becoming a mother – My postpartum body
•Not feeling desired by a partner/ validation


These were the top 5 with my body & weight being the number 1 response by far. So many hated their bodies, described their weight, postpartum body or aging body as to why they don’t feel sexy.


This is sad but not shocking.
Sexiness isn’t reserved for a particular body type or person.
Society has enforced this idea that sexy is all about our physical appearance alone.
How can we change this? I’m clearly no expert but some positive changes to the way we think about ourselves is a damn good start.

Feeling sexy again can take time but you can start with some self-love.

  1. Weight & body changes can be tough on the mind but compliment yourself on what you love about yourself not just the physical but the things you love about WHO you are.
    2.
  2. Make it a habit – tell yourself at least one thing you love every day.
    3.
  3. Look after yourself. Like really look after yourself – so many of us get caught up in life, work or motherhood caring for others but have stopped caring for ourselves.
    4.
  4. Think about when you last felt sexy – what made you feel that way? Often, we are happy in these moments, confident or wearing something that makes us feel good.
    5.
  5. Clothing can be powerful in the way we view ourselves. Wear what makes you feel sexy! Whether that’s a power suit or lingerie – remember there is no right or wrong.
    6.
  6. Take some time out alone exploring your body naked – discover what makes you FEEL REALLY GOOD
    7.
  7. Stop comparing – Sexy looks different on every-BODY. There is no right or wrong way to be sexy.


Remember you are SEXY & worthy of feeling it!
Here’s to us feeling sexy again.

#sexyisanattitude

Love Rose xx

Feel free to join the conversation, have you struggled with these feelings or lost that feeling in yourself?

Anxiety – Acknowledging my Anxiety and knowing you can overcome it.

Anxiety – Acknowledging my Anxiety and knowing you can overcome it.

Rose Oates – Image Lalu Photo

Suddenly I’m feeling alert, too alert, The tightening of the chest, the shortness in my breath, the trembling of the hands, my body feels at unease, all while my mind is racing fast with 1000 thoughts, the nasty little inner dialogue has crept in, BREATHE I remind myself, you are ok, you are safe – just take a second to just breathe.

For me anxiety is something that I have struggled with for a long time, not always understood and was once really embarrassed about.
I NEVER acknowledged it let alone talked about it, I did not want to be perceived as weak or incapable.

So in turn I pushed those feeling aside and pushed harder filling my days with things to do, tasks to accomplish simply so I could feel LESS – but it what it did was fuel my anxiety MORE until I could not ignore it no more – it wasn’t going to let me ignore it any longer, I experienced my first a full blown panic attack a few years ago, it was out of the blue, on a warm sunny day while I was happily singing in the car to my favourite song – I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my heart was pounding, I thought I was dying, having a heart attack.

From then on I knew it needed my attention. I owed it to myself to help myself, to own what it was, to learn to manage it and to take back my POWER.

With time and using various techniques I have learnt to manage it, speaking to someone to learn more about it has helped and I know now I can work through it, and so I no longer bottled it up. I’m not completely free of it but now I am much more aware of the triggers and the things or situations that can cause it to rear its ugly head.

The ocean calms my soul. Image @laluphoto_perth

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, she turned into a butterfly.”

Today I acknowledge it, admitting how much it has been eating me up lately hiding behind my smile, trying to tell me I’m not enough, that I can’t do it all, that I’m not worthy.

I had a cry, it felt good to release it – I sat with the emotions and let them flow. It’s uncomfortable but worth it I promise.

It made me realize all the triggers id been ignoring, all the work I was doing, the underlying trauma still there that I don’t like dealing with and the direction I want to take next.

The speed of life can feel hectic at times, in this fast-paced world, social media constantly at our fingertips, life – its easy to get caught up – forgetting we are allowed to pause. Be still. Reevaluate. Take time to heal.

Anxiety is actually normal, it is hardwired into to us so it will never be something that will be completely gone forever, its useful and needed in life to save us from certain situations or dangers – but sometimes we hold on to it, not understanding exactly how to let the body and mind relax. Keeping that in mind we can learn to manage it, it is not something that we cannot learn to control.

Despite working on it – Some days are just plain tough and that’s okay, there are going to be days that you don’t have it completely under control but cut yourself some slack and don’t take it personally. Be gentle with yourself and try replace your negative thoughts with ones that are more positive.

Remember you are not alone in this – so many these days suffer from anxiety, seek support from others when you need it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Reaching out shows strength and also demonstrates bravery for speaking out.

I don’t have the answers, it may be something I’ll always work on, but I do know this; we are not our anxiety. I’m not alone in it and neither are you.

Take one day at a time.

Rose @roseoates_

#youarenotalone #itsokaynottobeokay

Don’t ever hesitate to reach out for help if you need it, either to a professional, friends or family. There are many resources you can access online and over the phone too.

Beyond Blue

Black Dog Institute –Anxiety Help and Support

Australian Psychological Society – Find a Psychologist

Find a social worker

If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help now, call triple zero (000).

You can also call  Lifeline  on 13 11 14 — 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Toxic Positivity – How too much positivity can have a negative side.

Toxic Positivity – How too much positivity can have a negative side.

Second Trimester still still struggling through Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG)

The human experience is defined by the full range of emotions.
We can BOTH be grateful for what we have and still feel pain and suffering at the SAME time.

Often women and mothers are made to feel guilty and ungrateful when they are open about their struggles and challenges.

There is a misconception that if you are struggling then you are not grateful…
When in reality these two emotions can live side by side.
You can be grateful for your pregnancy and still feel the emotions of being crippled by HG.
You can be grieving over miscarriage and still be grateful for the children you have.
You may have gone through hell and back with IVF to get pregnant, but not be enjoying your pregnancy and in turn be feeling huge amounts of guilt. Like I should be grateful right?!
Yet BOTH of these feelings are valid and one does not cancel out the other.

I have been talking with Katherine @thejoyfulhabitscoach and she explained that this way of thinking has a proper term – it’s called TOXIC POSITIVITY.
Toxic positivity encourages us to always be happy, always be grateful and always look at the bright side regardless of what we are actually experiencing and feeling.
Living a happy and joyful life does not mean denying, avoiding and belittling genuine pain.
Making peace with the fact that in life there is both light and shade and allowing yourself to experience and be guided by both allows for us to find comfort in all emotions. Listening and processing challenging emotions build resilience and perspective.

Katherine also shared some practical things to consider;
🌦When others show pain or share challenges your role is to empathize and validate rather than to “cheer them up”. Throwing phases out like you should be grateful or look at the positives isn’t the reason someone or yourself for that matter may need to share. Remember sometimes it feels good just to be listened too and heard.


🌈Allowing yourself to sit in uncomfortable and challenging feelings leads to growth and resilience. Being joyful and positive does not mean avoiding negative emotions at all costs. Negative emotions play a role in guiding us in life as much as positive emotions

☀️Gratitude is a powerful tool, It brings comfort and perspective however it doesn’t ‘cure’ challenges and pain.

I found Katherine’s tips provide a practical and refreshing approach to having conversations with ourselves and others.

You can find more about Katherine, and her mission to help women to find more joy in day to day life by taking control of the little things and creating space, time and energy for the big things on her website here HERE or following her tips mixed with a little fun and humor on Instagram

Have you experienced this yourself? Let me know your thoughts.

Rose x

Evolution and Growth

Evolution and Growth

I have lost myself about a million times, then realized I wasn’t losing myself at all.

I was simply shedding some parts of me I didn’t need anymore, parts of me that needed to go so that I had room to grow.

Some parts I didn’t lose at all, I had in fact become wiser, lived and learnt a little more than I once did. Those parts of me I thought I had lost had actually evolved.

Stepping into the next phase 33 weeks pregnant. Image Freckle in a Box Photography

I first became a daughter, then a sister, a friend, a lover and then a mother.

Along the journey of becoming a woman; learning to be all these things and so much more, unconsciously, slowly and silently I was growing, not only in age but within my soul.

There have been times I have questioned the timing of my life, compared it and wanting to rush to the next chapter way before I was even ready.

But there is no timeline for you better than the one you are on, no rush, no perfect place to be just because of age or a year. You are where you need to be.

It is not just children that are growing, we are too – so maybe when we feel we are losing ourselves we are actually changing, growing, healing and making room to be more.

Change is part of life.

We are constantly evolving.

We continue to grow everyday of our lives.

Life is messy, unique, scary, and beautiful all at the same time.

Its okay to feel you have lost yourself because when you find yourself again –

You will find yourself stronger and wiser, a higher version of yourself.

Be proud of her. She is done a lot of growing to get here.

Rose x