The Fourth Trimester; things I discovered that nobody decided to tell me. The good, bad and funny.

The Fourth Trimester; things I discovered that nobody decided to tell me. The good, bad and funny.

Cranky Esmé and I in the first few weeks. Image @foxandwildling_photography

Tears, milk, poops and smiles have been had by both my baby Esmé and myself.

Although I’ll forever be amazed by what our bodies go through to create a life and the power of a person through the journey of motherhood, there are still some bat shit crazy times in the months following your baby birth. Some things that we have all read about and totally expect and then other things that you don’t hear about all so much!!

This is my fourth season postpartum and I’m still getting surprised, these are some of the things I’ve experienced following my babies, that nobody really told me would happen…

  • Nappies – your baby isn’t the only one that will be wearing them. No shame in it either, having worn pads before trust me these adult nappies are the way to go… build for comfort not style haha
  • Some days you will fall in love with your partner all over again and other times you will want to rip them a new one.
  • Love at first sight – is NOT always the case it can days or weeks even to grow and bond together with your baby. The love is no less.
  • Your hair will malt like a Husky in the summertime, hairballs clogging the shower drain, leaving you wondering if it will grow back or there will be hell toupee.
  • Waking up WET… not in a good way either, whether it be night sweats, baby vomit or lying in a pool of your own breast milk.
  • Baby wipes – where have they been all our lives?! The all-purpose wet cloth for butts, quick all over body cleanse, sticky fingers, cleaning tables and dusting everything.
  • Your body may become a bit of a stranger to you, someone you don’t recognize in the mirror just quite yet, it might take time to learn to love it and that’s ok – at times you also look at it in complete awe of what it has done. 
  • You will think about poo ALOT – yes, your babies BUT the first one primarily being your own.
  • Sex – with hormones still raging, you either can’t wait to jump back at it or you are completely dead scared to let anything near your vagina.
  • The nipples – darkening and increasing in size, I heard it’s so the baby can see them… Well, mine are like big pieces of Hungarian salami so if she can’t see these somethings wrong!
  • There will be days when you feeling utterly alone and isolated by your newborn bubble, days morphing into one another, longing for a little freedom.
  • There are going to be days that test you and your mental health.
  • Baby outfits with buttons – cute at first but at 3 am, 17 buttons aren’t so cute anymore.
  • Sleep when the baby sleeps advice… well when the baby finally sleeps – you will probably scroll the whole internet, shower or do the washing.
  • You will say and do stupid stuff while tired. Bring on the coffee

Trust me mamas you are never alone.

There are 100’s of beautiful moments too (like the cute little grin on E’s face)

3 months postpartum and 3 months old! Yay!

What did you discover in the fourth trimester that no-one told you about?

Did you experience any of these? Or something completely different that surprised you?
Please add to the list!

9 Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.

9 Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.

These were my final thoughts before going into hospital to be induced with my fourth and final baby girl Esme Phoenix.

Just off on date to meet one of the great loves of my life.
I go carrying nerves, my anxiety, excitement, but also with a sense of power within.
I feel a sense of wonder at the power of a women’s mind and body during these hours no matter the way we each choose to birth – we are truly creatures of survival, birthing the future.

Two people will be born today.
The mother and child.

I often feel I’m a young soul, still completely at awe with the beauty of life, the body and birth itself.

Still I walk away from my home completely into the unknown of who I’ll be when I return with this new life in my arms, I truly feel we go through a metamorphosis as we labour, as we become a mother, two people are born on the same day.
The mother and child.

Whether it is for the very first time or not – we transition and in turn our lives are forever changed.

Although I have done this before, the unknown still awaits not without any fear and for this I’m not ashamed, I’m only human and I know it’s ok to feel it but I also know I can do this, and to trust my body.
Yet I’m ridiculously excited and have visions dancing through my mind imagining what she will look like and who she might become.

I have no solid birth plan other than to have my baby at the end of this safely in my arms, I refuse to put pressure on myself like had in the past and give myself permission to make any choice I feel I need or want to during the process.
I know I will be safe with Craig by my side and
I’m thankful already that he gives me that peace.

I will breathe and focus on remembering during the surges that I will finally get to meet this little soul as she makes her way out of my body.

It is the last time that I will have two hearts beating inside me.

Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.

See you on the other side✌🏽

❤️Rose



9 Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.

5 Ways to say NO so you can say YES to yourself.

5 Ways to say NO so you can say YES to yourself.

This week has been tough, literally no sleep for this Mama – I’m currently wishing my eye bags were designer ones haha.

So lack of sleep coupled with juggling the other kids, writing, scrubbing muddy softball uniforms and a list of engagements that I had taken on, it was safe to say I was not only run down physically but mentally as well.

Octavia playing in her fresh and clean room. Photo Rose Oates

I had kept saying YES to everything, I hate letting people down but in turn I was letting myself down and my family was ending up with a tired, grumpy mama and wife.

By saying NO to others when you need to, it’s like saying YES to yourself.

How often do we say yes to all the invites, to the extra shift at work, to baking the cupcakes for the school sale and putting pressure on ourself to do all the things?

It honestly can be so hard to say NO but if you don’t sometimes you aren’t allowing yourself to say YES to things you need for yourself.

Here are some ways to say no to others and start saying YES to yourself:
  1. Decline Invitations. Start by politely declining any invites to things that you cannot fit in or simply don’t want to go to.

2. Be honest – Don’t feel as if you need to make an excuse just to say No. If you are exhausted just say it how it is: people appreciate honesty over an excuse.

3. Schedule yourself in.
Pop yourself in the diary like for example I go to yoga on a Wednesday at 6:30pm, so if something comes up, I work around it NOT cancel it.

Treat it as an important appointment for yourself.

4. Let go of the GUILT. This can be hard but by saying yes to everything you ultimately will be sacrificing something – that might time with your own family or actually running yourself down mentally and physically.
So let go of the guilt. People that love and care about you won’t want you to feel guilty anyway.

5. Say YES to the things that matter. When you do say YES, do it for things that really matter to you, say yes when you know you can complete the tasks without draining yourself completely and do it with your heart.

Hope you say YES to the things you want more often by being less busy because you have said No when you need to.

So this past week I let go of the guilt and said NO cleaning, especially as we had just finished painting the week before and said YES to the offer from Fantastic Services to collaborate. So this meant getting the awesome team from Fantastic Services to come and do a full Spring clean, which after all the sanding and painting was something we really needed.

One of the lovely Fantastic Services staff in the playroom.

The team gave the house a full Spring clean while I chilled out, drank my coffee while it was still hot, got some work done AND Octavia slept the whole time!! She loves the sound of the vacuum!

If you want a break and a clean house you can use my code: justyouraveragerose for $20 credit towards your first clean or service with Fantasic services! You can check out their services HERE #jyarcollab

The loss of two to get to YOU.

The loss of two to get to YOU.

O and I. Photo credit La Lu Photo

I cry for others, I feel a lot, sometimes it’s overwhelming, I hate seeing others hurting, but its a rare occurrence that I cry for myself.

Most of the time I withdraw and feel a sense of numbness.

Today I’m not well, feeling a little sorry for myself and am sitting listening to the big storm rolling in… I just fed Octavia and placed her down to sleep, I watched her for a moment and all of a sudden my heart hurt so badly that tears starting rolling down my face. I thought without the loss of the two babies before her, Octavia would not be here.

I had forgotten that hurt for a while, but just like that out of the blue, the band-aid had lifted.

I could not imagine life without this little human, I am so grateful for her but mind still drifted to the what if’s – its a strange thought.

I had remembered my second miscarriage in the emergency room, I was numb.

I remember laying in the maternity ward recovering after, listening to the newborn cries from the neighbouring rooms. My mind checked out. Numb.

No tears at all.

12 weeks of carrying her. I came home from the hospital feeling empty and alone. I sat on the couch leaning on Craig, I didn’t move. Then it came, I cried for what felt like whole day till my face was swollen and puffy. All the feelings, extreme anger, guilt because I had two girls already, guilt that others could have things worse than me, feeling my body had failed and feeling complete loneliness.

Then like a switch going off, I went back to the dry numbness – I didn’t cry anymore.

I felt the sadness, pain and pushed it away to a locked space inside where it sits and lets me process but I do not cry. This at times has led people to think I’m tough or that it doesn’t hurt, this is not so I just process differently.

Since then I’ve grown and learnt so much. Learnt Its ok to feel, it’s ok to cry and it’s ok not to cry because everyone reacts and copes differently.

It’s ok to be thankful for what you have and still be sad about what you have lost.

It’s ok to mourn, to remember, to speak about it & you do not need to feel guilty about any of it because life is not always a comfortable conversation or pretty picture.

And so today, as I looked at my beautiful baby girl, I shed a few tears for my babies that did not touch this Earth and that is ok too.