Anxiety – Acknowledging my Anxiety and knowing you can overcome it.

Anxiety – Acknowledging my Anxiety and knowing you can overcome it.

Rose Oates – Image Lalu Photo

Suddenly I’m feeling alert, too alert, The tightening of the chest, the shortness in my breath, the trembling of the hands, my body feels at unease, all while my mind is racing fast with 1000 thoughts, the nasty little inner dialogue has crept in, BREATHE I remind myself, you are ok, you are safe – just take a second to just breathe.

For me anxiety is something that I have struggled with for a long time, not always understood and was once really embarrassed about.
I NEVER acknowledged it let alone talked about it, I did not want to be perceived as weak or incapable.

So in turn I pushed those feeling aside and pushed harder filling my days with things to do, tasks to accomplish simply so I could feel LESS – but it what it did was fuel my anxiety MORE until I could not ignore it no more – it wasn’t going to let me ignore it any longer, I experienced my first a full blown panic attack a few years ago, it was out of the blue, on a warm sunny day while I was happily singing in the car to my favourite song – I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my heart was pounding, I thought I was dying, having a heart attack.

From then on I knew it needed my attention. I owed it to myself to help myself, to own what it was, to learn to manage it and to take back my POWER.

With time and using various techniques I have learnt to manage it, speaking to someone to learn more about it has helped and I know now I can work through it, and so I no longer bottled it up. I’m not completely free of it but now I am much more aware of the triggers and the things or situations that can cause it to rear its ugly head.

The ocean calms my soul. Image @laluphoto_perth

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, she turned into a butterfly.”

Today I acknowledge it, admitting how much it has been eating me up lately hiding behind my smile, trying to tell me I’m not enough, that I can’t do it all, that I’m not worthy.

I had a cry, it felt good to release it – I sat with the emotions and let them flow. It’s uncomfortable but worth it I promise.

It made me realize all the triggers id been ignoring, all the work I was doing, the underlying trauma still there that I don’t like dealing with and the direction I want to take next.

The speed of life can feel hectic at times, in this fast-paced world, social media constantly at our fingertips, life – its easy to get caught up – forgetting we are allowed to pause. Be still. Reevaluate. Take time to heal.

Anxiety is actually normal, it is hardwired into to us so it will never be something that will be completely gone forever, its useful and needed in life to save us from certain situations or dangers – but sometimes we hold on to it, not understanding exactly how to let the body and mind relax. Keeping that in mind we can learn to manage it, it is not something that we cannot learn to control.

Despite working on it – Some days are just plain tough and that’s okay, there are going to be days that you don’t have it completely under control but cut yourself some slack and don’t take it personally. Be gentle with yourself and try replace your negative thoughts with ones that are more positive.

Remember you are not alone in this – so many these days suffer from anxiety, seek support from others when you need it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Reaching out shows strength and also demonstrates bravery for speaking out.

I don’t have the answers, it may be something I’ll always work on, but I do know this; we are not our anxiety. I’m not alone in it and neither are you.

Take one day at a time.

Rose @roseoates_

#youarenotalone #itsokaynottobeokay

Don’t ever hesitate to reach out for help if you need it, either to a professional, friends or family. There are many resources you can access online and over the phone too.

Beyond Blue

Black Dog Institute –Anxiety Help and Support

Australian Psychological Society – Find a Psychologist

Find a social worker

If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help now, call triple zero (000).

You can also call  Lifeline  on 13 11 14 — 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The Fourth Trimester; things I discovered that nobody decided to tell me. The good, bad and funny.

The Fourth Trimester; things I discovered that nobody decided to tell me. The good, bad and funny.

Cranky Esmé and I in the first few weeks. Image @foxandwildling_photography

Tears, milk, poops and smiles have been had by both my baby Esmé and myself.

Although I’ll forever be amazed by what our bodies go through to create a life and the power of a person through the journey of motherhood, there are still some bat shit crazy times in the months following your baby birth. Some things that we have all read about and totally expect and then other things that you don’t hear about all so much!!

This is my fourth season postpartum and I’m still getting surprised, these are some of the things I’ve experienced following my babies, that nobody really told me would happen…

  • Nappies – your baby isn’t the only one that will be wearing them. No shame in it either, having worn pads before trust me these adult nappies are the way to go… build for comfort not style haha
  • Some days you will fall in love with your partner all over again and other times you will want to rip them a new one.
  • Love at first sight – is NOT always the case it can days or weeks even to grow and bond together with your baby. The love is no less.
  • Your hair will malt like a Husky in the summertime, hairballs clogging the shower drain, leaving you wondering if it will grow back or there will be hell toupee.
  • Waking up WET… not in a good way either, whether it be night sweats, baby vomit or lying in a pool of your own breast milk.
  • Baby wipes – where have they been all our lives?! The all-purpose wet cloth for butts, quick all over body cleanse, sticky fingers, cleaning tables and dusting everything.
  • Your body may become a bit of a stranger to you, someone you don’t recognize in the mirror just quite yet, it might take time to learn to love it and that’s ok – at times you also look at it in complete awe of what it has done. 
  • You will think about poo ALOT – yes, your babies BUT the first one primarily being your own.
  • Sex – with hormones still raging, you either can’t wait to jump back at it or you are completely dead scared to let anything near your vagina.
  • The nipples – darkening and increasing in size, I heard it’s so the baby can see them… Well, mine are like big pieces of Hungarian salami so if she can’t see these somethings wrong!
  • There will be days when you feeling utterly alone and isolated by your newborn bubble, days morphing into one another, longing for a little freedom.
  • There are going to be days that test you and your mental health.
  • Baby outfits with buttons – cute at first but at 3 am, 17 buttons aren’t so cute anymore.
  • Sleep when the baby sleeps advice… well when the baby finally sleeps – you will probably scroll the whole internet, shower or do the washing.
  • You will say and do stupid stuff while tired. Bring on the coffee

Trust me mamas you are never alone.

There are 100’s of beautiful moments too (like the cute little grin on E’s face)

3 months postpartum and 3 months old! Yay!

What did you discover in the fourth trimester that no-one told you about?

Did you experience any of these? Or something completely different that surprised you?
Please add to the list!

9 Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.

9 Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.

These were my final thoughts before going into hospital to be induced with my fourth and final baby girl Esme Phoenix.

Just off on date to meet one of the great loves of my life.
I go carrying nerves, my anxiety, excitement, but also with a sense of power within.
I feel a sense of wonder at the power of a women’s mind and body during these hours no matter the way we each choose to birth – we are truly creatures of survival, birthing the future.

Two people will be born today.
The mother and child.

I often feel I’m a young soul, still completely at awe with the beauty of life, the body and birth itself.

Still I walk away from my home completely into the unknown of who I’ll be when I return with this new life in my arms, I truly feel we go through a metamorphosis as we labour, as we become a mother, two people are born on the same day.
The mother and child.

Whether it is for the very first time or not – we transition and in turn our lives are forever changed.

Although I have done this before, the unknown still awaits not without any fear and for this I’m not ashamed, I’m only human and I know it’s ok to feel it but I also know I can do this, and to trust my body.
Yet I’m ridiculously excited and have visions dancing through my mind imagining what she will look like and who she might become.

I have no solid birth plan other than to have my baby at the end of this safely in my arms, I refuse to put pressure on myself like had in the past and give myself permission to make any choice I feel I need or want to during the process.
I know I will be safe with Craig by my side and
I’m thankful already that he gives me that peace.

I will breathe and focus on remembering during the surges that I will finally get to meet this little soul as she makes her way out of my body.

It is the last time that I will have two hearts beating inside me.

Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.

See you on the other side✌🏽

❤️Rose



9 Months of growing you, a lifetime of loving you ahead.

Natural labour or a C-section? Drugs or no drugs? So many nosey questions.

Natural labour or a C-section? Drugs or no drugs? So many nosey questions.

Perth Mamas to be, all different, yet all the same. Captured by Fox and Wilding Photography for @amothersempire

Natural labour or a C-section? Drugs or no drugs?
Here I’m in the thick of the third trimester, 38 weeks and what feels like now the longest 2 weeks of all time to go.
It’s my last pregnancy, the last time my body will grow a life, share a heartbeat with another in the same body.

Now at this stage of pregnancy, so many questions are being asked and opinions are flying in fast…
So are you going to have natural labour or a C-section? Drugs or no drugs?
Breast or bottle? Are you still going to be feeding that toddler of yours AND a baby?
Oh wow, you are huge, sure there’s only one haha? (Yeh original mate ha)
Your not very big are you?
Don’t worry you will shed that baby weight in no time!

And my personal favourite, Is this your last, I mean seriously you can’t be going for any more surely?!

And as for that last question that since I’ve chosen to share snippets of my life on here…
It is most definitely the LAST time, my body has had enough the Hyperemesis gravidarum (HG) has completely taken its toll on my body, my mind and changed my way of life completely over the past 9mths.
And so it is official Mr. Oatesy has sorted that out #snippysnip phewwww I feel an overwhelming sense of relief!

So here’s the thing, why do ANY of these questions matter at all?
However, your baby comes into the world doesn’t make it any less incredible – in fact it doesn’t matter one single bit.
It doesn’t make you any less of a mother than anyone else, yet I have had many conversations with other women telling me that feel they often feel so much pressure to explain their choices and that they often have felt immense judgement. This is not on, especially when the judgement is at times actually coming from other women, we are in an age where women are rising more than ever, using their voices and striving further for empowerment, so to grow further towards this it’s important to remember to support each other, not pass judgment in these very personal and important life changing moments.


Adding to this, at the end of the day pretty sure nobody really gives a hoot whether the baby came out the sunroof, your veejay (or someone else’s for that matter) and whether you decided to take ALL the drugs or none at all! We all just hope for a safe delivery for both mother and child and healthy baby.

However, YOU choose to birth you baby or feed your baby; boobs or bottle is your business, if they are fed, healthy and happy what is it to someone else?
So bloody what if you don’t shed your “baby weight” in no time, so what if you don’t shed it ever AND equally if you fit back into your pre-pregnancy jeans 2 days after – GO you!

Don’t EVER feel the need to explain YOUR PERSONAL choices or experiences.

Everyone is entitled to an opinion, BUT here’s the thing not every opinion NEEDS to be voiced.
Remarkably you can also have an opinion silent in your own mind where nobody else hears it *shocking right?!

Have you experienced any of the questions before, or found you felt subject to judgment for your choices?

Feel free to share your experiences in the comments – if you feel comfortable, remember you are not alone – many people often go through similar experiences too and it can be hard to share.

Be kind always,

Rose x

Toxic Positivity – How too much positivity can have a negative side.

Toxic Positivity – How too much positivity can have a negative side.

Second Trimester still still struggling through Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG)

The human experience is defined by the full range of emotions.
We can BOTH be grateful for what we have and still feel pain and suffering at the SAME time.

Often women and mothers are made to feel guilty and ungrateful when they are open about their struggles and challenges.

There is a misconception that if you are struggling then you are not grateful…
When in reality these two emotions can live side by side.
You can be grateful for your pregnancy and still feel the emotions of being crippled by HG.
You can be grieving over miscarriage and still be grateful for the children you have.
You may have gone through hell and back with IVF to get pregnant, but not be enjoying your pregnancy and in turn be feeling huge amounts of guilt. Like I should be grateful right?!
Yet BOTH of these feelings are valid and one does not cancel out the other.

I have been talking with Katherine @thejoyfulhabitscoach and she explained that this way of thinking has a proper term – it’s called TOXIC POSITIVITY.
Toxic positivity encourages us to always be happy, always be grateful and always look at the bright side regardless of what we are actually experiencing and feeling.
Living a happy and joyful life does not mean denying, avoiding and belittling genuine pain.
Making peace with the fact that in life there is both light and shade and allowing yourself to experience and be guided by both allows for us to find comfort in all emotions. Listening and processing challenging emotions build resilience and perspective.

Katherine also shared some practical things to consider;
🌦When others show pain or share challenges your role is to empathize and validate rather than to “cheer them up”. Throwing phases out like you should be grateful or look at the positives isn’t the reason someone or yourself for that matter may need to share. Remember sometimes it feels good just to be listened too and heard.


🌈Allowing yourself to sit in uncomfortable and challenging feelings leads to growth and resilience. Being joyful and positive does not mean avoiding negative emotions at all costs. Negative emotions play a role in guiding us in life as much as positive emotions

☀️Gratitude is a powerful tool, It brings comfort and perspective however it doesn’t ‘cure’ challenges and pain.

I found Katherine’s tips provide a practical and refreshing approach to having conversations with ourselves and others.

You can find more about Katherine, and her mission to help women to find more joy in day to day life by taking control of the little things and creating space, time and energy for the big things on her website here HERE or following her tips mixed with a little fun and humor on Instagram

Have you experienced this yourself? Let me know your thoughts.

Rose x