9 months in, 9 months out. Postpartum the journey so far.

9 months in, 9 months out. Postpartum the journey so far.

Newborn days and now 9 months old. The growth of us both inside and out. Photo @roseoates_

9 months of GROWTH for both of us.

Pregnancy felt long yet the 9 months of your growing earthside seemed to fly both equally fast and, in some parts, so very painfully slow.

When I birthed her into this world, I had no idea I also would be totally re-born.
It’s beautiful, powerful, confusing,
and painful.
All the different emotions manage to surge within you seemingly at the same time.

We nurture, care, and raise our children all while trying to understand and care for ourselves in the moments we have left.

I have struggled this postpartum, hit the lowest of lows, I look back at that photo on the left and remember the pain, but I also look at it with a fondness; I am soft, vulnerable, lost but also happy, proud and in awe of this beautiful human being that laid next to me who only a mere week before was inside of me.

9 months of Growth for us both.

9 months on and I haven’t bounced back… I never intended to,
my life and body are only going one way and that’s forward.

My body is still soft – but there is STRENGTH in that softness,
to grow a life my body had to make room, to stretch and grow – it is soft
because it needed to have the strength to support life itself.

9 months on I’m still vulnerable – But I no longer see it as weakness,
it is a sign of strength, courage, and bravery.

I have learnt to lean into it. Being vulnerable is raw
and truthful – there is no hiding in it, it has taught me to listen to myself, connect
and more than ever authentically live my truth.

9 months on and life has gotten clearer – the pain has gone, it’s still messy, confusing, exhausting and at times stinky.

9 months on and we have both grown and gotten stronger.

9 months on my darling baby girl has taught me so much in her short time, I’m sure she will continue to teach me for the rest of my life.

9 months on writing this I have tears streaming down my face
thinking about it all and of my darling daughter.

9 months ago as you were born…
Cover me in sunshine played softly
in the background.
And that you have – done every day of your life. I love you.

Esme Phoenix.
And just like the Phoenix, I have been re-birthed into the truest version of me.

Where ever you are postpartum or in motherhood – Be proud of your growth and know that you aren’t in this alone.

Love Rose x

Sexy is a Feeling, an attitude not a look or size. How to work on feeling sexy again.

Sexy is a Feeling, an attitude not a look or size. How to work on feeling sexy again.

Sexy is a feeling, an attitude. Not a size, a look, an angle & not only reserved for sexual experiences…

I had created a poll in my stories on Instagram with the question

‘What holds you back from feeling sexy?!’

The responses to this last week blew my mind.
So many of us don’t feel sexy – like WAY too many. Some people saying they have NEVER felt sexy.
It’s not getting spoken about, sexy isn’t reserved for a certain body type, it is not a size, it’s not reserved to a certain age, it most certainly does not hinge on someone else’s opinion of you.

The top responses I had when asked ‘What holds you back from feeling sexy?”
•My weight – My body
•Self Confidence/ Mindset
•Not fitting the ‘mould’ of what sexy is.
•Body changes after becoming a mother – My postpartum body
•Not feeling desired by a partner/ validation

These were the top 5 with my body & weight being the number 1 response by far. So many hated their bodies, described their weight, postpartum body or aging body as to why they don’t feel sexy.

This is sad but not shocking.
Sexiness isn’t reserved for a particular body type or person.
Society has enforced this idea that sexy is all about our physical appearance alone.
How can we change this? I’m clearly no expert but some positive changes to the way we think about ourselves is a damn good start.

Feeling sexy again can take time but you can start with some self-love.

  1. Weight & body changes can be tough on the mind but compliment yourself on what you love about yourself not just the physical but the things you love about WHO you are.
  2. Make it a habit – tell yourself at least one thing you love every day.
  3. Look after yourself. Like really look after yourself – so many of us get caught up in life, work or motherhood caring for others but have stopped caring for ourselves.
  4. Think about when you last felt sexy – what made you feel that way? Often, we are happy in these moments, confident or wearing something that makes us feel good.
  5. Clothing can be powerful in the way we view ourselves. Wear what makes you feel sexy! Whether that’s a power suit or lingerie – remember there is no right or wrong.
  6. Take some time out alone exploring your body naked – discover what makes you FEEL REALLY GOOD
  7. Stop comparing – Sexy looks different on every-BODY. There is no right or wrong way to be sexy.

Remember you are SEXY & worthy of feeling it!
Here’s to us feeling sexy again.


Love Rose xx

Feel free to join the conversation, have you struggled with these feelings or lost that feeling in yourself?

Postpartum body relationship

Postpartum body relationship

Self-love, self-acceptance of your mind and body. Is a relationship.

Relationships have ups and downs, they take work, love and comprise.
A healthy relationship with your body is going to take all these things.

The pregnant form is so glorified but the postpartum is not – quickly the focus shifts, it is forgotten, expected to get on with things… ‘to bounce back’

But it deserves the utmost respect, it’s just as beautiful in its own way.

Truthfully I’d be lying to say it’s been a super easy journey for me so far, I’ve never been one to sugar coat things. Although it’s been a time of incredible highs, there has been healing both physically and emotionally, adjustment, learning and juggling.

My body is soft, stretched and well a little messy laying here – my belly gently spreads out on the bed around my little babe, which miraculously she was safely housed in only weeks before.

Looking in the mirror and not quite recognising the woman staring back at first is daunting, yet you are also amazed at what she has accomplished.

At first, you may find yourself a little lost, detached from your body, not quite understanding it or feeling like yourself.

You are going to have to be kind to her, understanding, give her time, remind her of her beauty and her inner power.

Remember your body is beautiful, it is your vessel that carries all that you are as a person and may have even carried life itself.

So your relationship with yourself is important, some days will be harder than others but is worth the work.

Because you are WORTH IT.
Because you are more than your body and you are moving FORWARD in life NOT bouncing back!

Motherhood – the change, evolution and grief.

Motherhood – the change, evolution and grief.

The days feeling so detached from the person you once were – that you don’t know how to connect them back to the same person at all.
Motherhood changed me.

She has had to change. This change has nothing to do with the love I feel for my children – that love and time for them I give with all my heart and wouldn’t go back.
This change has everything to do with me, this time in my life where I feel like I’m living in some sort of purgatory, a place that’s in between,

In between who I used to be,
Who I currently am and
Who do I want to be?

In fleeting moments I think about it, but it’s not until I have had time to myself, the weight of the things I’d been holding in come flooding out.

I catch my reflection in the mirror and really look at this woman before me… I know I am her, but I don’t recognise her now. The tears silently flow down my cheeks.

But I let myself grieve this time, the isolation, independence, I miss my body, when did I stop caring about myself?
I am tired and feeling without direction; I let it all out in all its honesty, the things no one actually wants to say out loud…

It was relieving to even admit it to myself.
Who am I now?

Sometimes we don’t allow ourselves to grieve those parts of us that are gone because we are worried that it means we aren’t grateful.
But gratitude and grief can live as one.

I don’t quite recognise the woman in the mirror just yet, but I know her. She is currently processing and learning about herself again; she is evolving and figuring it out, all while giving so much of herself to raising her children.

I must give her some time, give her some grace.
After a while, I realised…
She isn’t lost at all… she’s just in a state of metamorphosis, just like a caterpillar before it becomes a butterfly – it’s somewhere in between.

It’s not going to be this way forever.

The old me hasn’t been through all the things I have now. She is stronger.

I let go of what was and am keeping focus on what is ahead.

Be kind to yourselves, mamas.

You are just evolving into something beautiful. 🦋


Anxiety – Acknowledging my Anxiety and knowing you can overcome it.

Anxiety – Acknowledging my Anxiety and knowing you can overcome it.

Rose Oates – Image Lalu Photo

Suddenly I’m feeling alert, too alert, The tightening of the chest, the shortness in my breath, the trembling of the hands, my body feels at unease, all while my mind is racing fast with 1000 thoughts, the nasty little inner dialogue has crept in, BREATHE I remind myself, you are ok, you are safe – just take a second to just breathe.

For me anxiety is something that I have struggled with for a long time, not always understood and was once really embarrassed about.
I NEVER acknowledged it let alone talked about it, I did not want to be perceived as weak or incapable.

So in turn I pushed those feeling aside and pushed harder filling my days with things to do, tasks to accomplish simply so I could feel LESS – but it what it did was fuel my anxiety MORE until I could not ignore it no more – it wasn’t going to let me ignore it any longer, I experienced my first a full blown panic attack a few years ago, it was out of the blue, on a warm sunny day while I was happily singing in the car to my favourite song – I felt like I couldn’t breathe, my heart was pounding, I thought I was dying, having a heart attack.

From then on I knew it needed my attention. I owed it to myself to help myself, to own what it was, to learn to manage it and to take back my POWER.

With time and using various techniques I have learnt to manage it, speaking to someone to learn more about it has helped and I know now I can work through it, and so I no longer bottled it up. I’m not completely free of it but now I am much more aware of the triggers and the things or situations that can cause it to rear its ugly head.

The ocean calms my soul. Image @laluphoto_perth

“Just when the caterpillar thought the world was ending, she turned into a butterfly.”

Today I acknowledge it, admitting how much it has been eating me up lately hiding behind my smile, trying to tell me I’m not enough, that I can’t do it all, that I’m not worthy.

I had a cry, it felt good to release it – I sat with the emotions and let them flow. It’s uncomfortable but worth it I promise.

It made me realize all the triggers id been ignoring, all the work I was doing, the underlying trauma still there that I don’t like dealing with and the direction I want to take next.

The speed of life can feel hectic at times, in this fast-paced world, social media constantly at our fingertips, life – its easy to get caught up – forgetting we are allowed to pause. Be still. Reevaluate. Take time to heal.

Anxiety is actually normal, it is hardwired into to us so it will never be something that will be completely gone forever, its useful and needed in life to save us from certain situations or dangers – but sometimes we hold on to it, not understanding exactly how to let the body and mind relax. Keeping that in mind we can learn to manage it, it is not something that we cannot learn to control.

Despite working on it – Some days are just plain tough and that’s okay, there are going to be days that you don’t have it completely under control but cut yourself some slack and don’t take it personally. Be gentle with yourself and try replace your negative thoughts with ones that are more positive.

Remember you are not alone in this – so many these days suffer from anxiety, seek support from others when you need it, there is nothing to be ashamed of. Reaching out shows strength and also demonstrates bravery for speaking out.

I don’t have the answers, it may be something I’ll always work on, but I do know this; we are not our anxiety. I’m not alone in it and neither are you.

Take one day at a time.

Rose @roseoates_

#youarenotalone #itsokaynottobeokay

Don’t ever hesitate to reach out for help if you need it, either to a professional, friends or family. There are many resources you can access online and over the phone too.

Beyond Blue

Black Dog Institute –Anxiety Help and Support

Australian Psychological Society – Find a Psychologist

Find a social worker

If you or someone you know is in crisis and needs help now, call triple zero (000).

You can also call  Lifeline  on 13 11 14 — 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.